An Unusual Inspiration

While it is supposed to be depressing, I believe death has been the most inspirational tale to this once 17 year old. 

I was 5 when life decided to show, what loss felt like. Yet in my childish beliefs and imaginations, I refused to believe I never will see my hero. To be honest, looking back I hold no real memories. I don't know if it was that psychological phenomenon in action where people learn to block and forget part of their memories subconsciously or it was simply me being ever so forgetful.

It took me 8 years of failed prayers and that sight of mom's tears followed by her lines of wisdom. Slowly but steadily, I began my first tale of moving on. I had to teach myself not to respect her a bit more but to see beyond her scoldings and love her for being my mother. 

Years passed by, me and Mom went on to become friends but I stayed somewhat incapable and a little less competent when it came to my emotions. It would take me some more failed friendships and a couple successful attempts to unwire my brain. 

Yet when I found myself with that engulfing feeling of insecurities and made up isolation, I did something really gratifying. Something I had thought I never would thinking it was a bit uncool. I took my tiny baby steps towards spirituality. 

After struggling with years of false hope as a child, I now knew death was inevitable and permanent. While there are still a few, whose potential death is a forbidden thought for my brain but I do take wisdom from experiences impersonal. 

As much as I find myself fascinated with life, death has begun to equally trigger my curious cells. I often wonder how suddenly an entity goes from "Vaishnavi Sood" to being simply a body. 

Every time that not so close but a known face leaves, I can't help my narcissism and wonder about my own. Inspired by Steve Jobs' dramatic inspirations, on days I feel like a Pressure Cooker and wander if I would still care and do the same if I myself was leaving tomorrow and find my faith and courage again. 

It reminds to be self less sometimes and a little more sweeter version of me a little more often. Not give up on my dreams nor on my people. Forgive more often and reach out more unapologetically. It makes me remember why I write and if anything my words would be my legacy I will leave behind. 

Yet, it also reminds me subtly how miniscule we are in this big bright world and how money, fame, relations and everything else doesn't matter when your soul wishes to meet his own Lord and how our time is gone to do that extra bit of goodness to earn that smile.

So, let's just spread smiles while we still can. 🤗🤗🤗