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Diary entries

When your life is like a park, open and accessible for all, yet aloof and alone when it really needs company. 
...
I am tired of being understanding and lonely, yet I wish I would not have to deal with anyone and could be literally away and alone for a month. 

When your life is real good yet you feel miserable and that only makes you feel even more like a moron, when you think you need therapy to stop it from getting worse and a break so your head doesn't burst and then therapy gives you more anxiety....paper and pen are really my favourite solace...but I only like the fact that even if you can't take your own life, can't win your battles in life, it would still come to an end when you die. The worst bit is actually the best bit...Managed to cross the river, patiently awaiting for the ocean. Although I know life is only gonna throw bigger challenges...can already think of quite a few realistic possibilities (I hope I am real ready when those come along). 

Have you ever felt like that you have so much to speak or so much to write that you could just keep writing for the entire day. By the way I know it shall pass too...but too drained to make it to other side. I wish there was someone who understood, someone who would not need me to speak and could just read my tales. Someone who didn't give me that pitiful look but just understood. Someone who would stay and someone who would love me like I do. I am sorry, but nothing less would do. 

PS - I am learning to be okay with the fact that I am all you got. I understand we all have our own problems, world is plagued by more serious troubles than a 24-year-old who feels a little lonely but don't offer me a shoulder if you are not gonna stay. Because I will be okay as long as I can run. It takes a friend to sit in the mud with you for as long as you need and even those friends will find lovers and leave. I know there would be a day I would have to stop and I am always a trainwreck at the time but running is all I get and run I must with all that I have because opening your heart and then someone not getting it is worse. Don't give me that pitiful look and you also don't to get to get between me and my pen, because even if it kills me a little every day, Holmes was right humans can only disappoint and hurt, I just wish I was a little more like him. 

Photo: PickPik

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