Skip to main content

Rebuilding myself ... one day at a time

16.10.2025

How do you regain self-love and rebuild your self-worth from the point you feel abandoned. How can you have everything in the world and still get stuck with that one little missing piece. 

Honestly, I don't know. I am writing this blog in the hope that it would mark the start of my journey to the discovery of that solution. I can't refind the love I held for the friends I lost, nor do I think I can find it in me to let it go right now. I know I am probably no one to forgive but I still can't get how can you be so genuine one second and indifferent in another.  

I have no idea how to let things go but I also know life always finds a way to heal every inch of your soul. There are so many moments when you feel this heartbreak would be the end of you, yet a few years down, you don't even care to remember their names, none of it even matters anymore. 

But, Feb of this year hit different. I know it is stupid but these were the friends I thought I will cherish for a lifetime.

And in the middle of this chaos, I couldn't help but miss Dad. I don't think I have ever missed Dad more. I wish he was around for Mom, stood by us, loved us, assured us and more than anything else, I wish he could meet you (Akhil). I genuinely believe as smart as I am in work, I am as gullible in love and friendship, and I think it's truly his and mom's blessings that has always kept me safe and brought the right people in my life. I wish Dad was around to tell Bhai how it is all going to be alright, to guide him and to protect him. 

Making peace with your loss was literally the biggest battle of my life. Winter of this year remains a close second for now. Finding self love and hope was literally the hardest thing to do.

I don't know how to become that woman again that I loved with all my heart, one that I was so proud of. But until all of it can make sense to me again, I think all I can do is take one day at a time. 

In moments of hope, 30 minutes within a day is all it takes sometimes. I think it is the least I can do for myself...

So, hence I began around half an hour ago. 

10-minutes of exercise with Zhervera

10-minutes of meditation with Goodful

10-minutes of writing

Akhil, this one is for you. I know I haven't been able to do it but you were the one who advised me to restart writing one blog a day to express my heart. And even if it is too difficult, I think it is probably my best shot. Thank you for everything love. 

And mamma thank you for coming all the way last month and taking care of me in Chandigarh. It really meant the world. I am genuinely sorry I am not able to be more present in your life. You are always on my mind. I just am a little out of breath to put it in the right words sometimes. 

Toddles and lots of love 
V 

PS - 
I will always find it easier to love than be bitter but I don't think I can ever crack how can people love indifferently. I miss the woman who believed in friendships and loved with all her heart. I think for the longest time they were my biggest strength and a part of me would always miss them too. 

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Mrs - A subtle, yet powerful take on domesticated patriarchy

I know I am late to the party but I instantly joined the fan club. A take on the silent, and mostly unacknowledged, labour of women in a family, Mrs takes us through the journey of a modern woman as she tries to find her place in the new family after marriage. The film broadly shows daily routine of a family almost on a loop -- wherein men go to work, exercise and enjoy, while women of the house find themselves stuck in the kitchen throughout the day and year.  At one point, the loop begins to feel repetitive, but it serves well to highlight the monotony in a woman's life -- through the protagonist, Richa (played by Sanya Malhotra), and her mother in law. The two scenes about a woman guest taking Richa's stand; and her friend's husband helping in the chores offer a refreshing contrast to the Kumars, who illustrate a typical patriarchal mindset.  Sanya nailed as Richa, as her character's silent compliance with her husband and in-laws demands speaks volumes about her rep...
Post a Comment
Read more

Strange...

Today I got to know something about Korea that I thought was really strange. Gambling is generally prohibted for Koreans. Hailey told us that there is a huge Cassino in Korea where Koreans are not allowed to enter. It is only for the Foreigners or Koreans that have an American citizenship. In case of many clubs the situation is completely opposite. Lawrence told us that there are a lot of clubs which are meant for Koreans only and Foreigners are not allowed there. I found it really weird because I don't think there is any such similiar thing in India.
Post a Comment
Read more

Stop Expecting Them To Understand!

Source - Pixabay The advice we empathetically present to our friends is often the same ones we learnt too late, at a cost we wish wasn't so huge. As you tell them that not all has been lost and their worth and what they bring to the table is way beyond the biggest of their dreams and worst of their failings they may have known. Yet in your own shoes, besides all the words you throw around to sooth your heart ache, you often feel defeated and lost beyond despair.  You finally woke up but knowing that it probably is already too late doesn't really help your sleep. Nor does it do much to help you get out of bed as suddenly you begin to wake up with the worst of your fears each day. There is so much you know today; you just wish you had garnered enough will yesterday. But, I guess Bob Marley was right when he said, "You never know how strong you are, until being strong is your only choice."  © Source: Quotespedia Me being me, I didn't come back to my senses untill all...
Post a Comment
Read more