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Rebuilding myself ... one day at a time

16.10.2025

How do you regain self-love and rebuild your self-worth from the point you feel abandoned. How can you have everything in the world and still get stuck with that one little missing piece. 

Honestly, I don't know. I am writing this blog in the hope that it would mark the start of my journey to the discovery of that solution. I can't refind the love I held for the friends I lost, nor do I think I can find it in me to let it go right now. I know I am probably no one to forgive but I still can't get how can you be so genuine one second and indifferent in another.  

I have no idea how to let things go but I also know life always finds a way to heal every inch of your soul. There are so many moments when you feel this heartbreak would be the end of you, yet a few years down, you don't even care to remember their names, none of it even matters anymore. 

But, Feb of this year hit different. I know it is stupid but these were the friends I thought I will cherish for a lifetime.

And in the middle of this chaos, I couldn't help but miss Dad. I don't think I have ever missed Dad more. I wish he was around for Mom, stood by us, loved us, assured us and more than anything else, I wish he could meet you (Akhil). I genuinely believe as smart as I am in work, I am as gullible in love and friendship, and I think it's truly his and mom's blessings that has always kept me safe and brought the right people in my life. I wish Dad was around to tell Bhai how it is all going to be alright, to guide him and to protect him. 

Making peace with your loss was literally the biggest battle of my life. Winter of this year remains a close second for now. Finding self love and hope was literally the hardest thing to do.

I don't know how to become that woman again that I loved with all my heart, one that I was so proud of. But until all of it can make sense to me again, I think all I can do is take one day at a time. 

In moments of hope, 30 minutes within a day is all it takes sometimes. I think it is the least I can do for myself...

So, hence I began around half an hour ago. 

10-minutes of exercise with Zhervera

10-minutes of meditation with Goodful

10-minutes of writing

Akhil, this one is for you. I know I haven't been able to do it but you were the one who advised me to restart writing one blog a day to express my heart. And even if it is too difficult, I think it is probably my best shot. Thank you for everything love. 

And mamma thank you for coming all the way last month and taking care of me in Chandigarh. It really meant the world. I am genuinely sorry I am not able to be more present in your life. You are always on my mind. I just am a little out of breath to put it in the right words sometimes. 

Toddles and lots of love 
V 

PS - 
I will always find it easier to love than be bitter but I don't think I can ever crack how can people love indifferently. I miss the woman who believed in friendships and loved with all her heart. I think for the longest time they were my biggest strength and a part of me would always miss them too. 

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