When tears replace anger

I never thought for me, a part of getting old would mean forgetting how to be angry and tears replacing the cuss words.

When you feel stuck and there is no solution in sight, the hardest thing to do is to sit with your thoughts. Do it anyways. I never could, even now I can't. My screentime simply skyrockets to 12 hours and I lose interest in every damn thing and keep scrolling until the Sun shows up.

I have broken down fair times in my own room, yet every now and then, breaking down on the stupidest random things is the only bit that I hate about me, yet could never fix. I don't know a single adult who sobs on the tiniest things yet for me it is impossible to control. People say they have anger issues, I think there is something wrong with my tear ducts. I can see a dead body and may not cry and yet crack under the weirdest pressure situations.

Honestly, by now, I have given up. I end up cracking, sobbing and the worst bit is it often happens in the worst times when I am under a deadline and can't spare a few minutes. I really wish there was someone I could share this with but I know it will only be one of those judgemental sights and lectures and I am already hating tomorrow for those embarassing sentences but can't do anything so yeah...

Comments

A letter to my happy tear

Sometimes we make things so much bigger in our hearts that it becomes impossible for the events to match our anticipation and even the slightest misdirections to our plans end up grounding them altogether. Exactly an year ago, on October 17, my father-in-law called me and told us that our wedding dates had been fixed. It had been a long-distance courtship but as the luck would have it, we were right there together to celebrate the good news. The next four months were probably the happiest period of my life. Even as I felt lonely without him, I would simply count down our days to the wedding. Soon enough, my joy and excitement became too visible. I don't think I have ever taken care of myself any better. I couldn't wait to get married. I don't think there was a day I didn't think of him before I ended my day. I simply couldn't wait to be his wife. To his credit, it has all been worth it. Even as we are yet to find our way to a shared roof, Akhil you ...

Remember your champions...

Akhil you know I can't go a long time without writing you love letter but am too lazy to visit a post office..so this one is for you... Everytime I am told I am stupid for choosing my passion, I just wanna look at you, remind myself and know we got this and will always find a way... Every time I feel alone or down, seek validation or feel the need to prove myself or my worth...I may take my time but ultimately every ride has taught me how I have my biggest champion at home. Chahe uss din wo kitchen mein bitaye 12 ghante hon ya hours spent on the most basic blog...even if noone else could see, you were the one cheering me on. Even if you were the one taking care of it all, you always ensured I knew we were a team. At a time, when I almost felt invisible, u were the one who reminded me I mattered. Listened to my rants and then scolded me when u could not see me stay sad anymore. Even if a part of me was torn, you made sure I finally had fun at a wedding. When I fel...

Mrs - A subtle, yet powerful take on domesticated patriarchy

I know I am late to the party but I instantly joined the fan club. A take on the silent, and mostly unacknowledged, labour of women in a family, Mrs takes us through the journey of a modern woman as she tries to find her place in the new family after marriage. The film broadly shows daily routine of a family almost on a loop -- wherein men go to work, exercise and enjoy, while women of the house find themselves stuck in the kitchen throughout the day and year. At one point, the loop begins to feel repetitive, but it serves well to highlight the monotony in a woman's life -- through the protagonist, Richa (played by Sanya Malhotra), and her mother in law. The two scenes about a woman guest taking Richa's stand; and her friend's husband helping in the chores offer a refreshing contrast to the Kumars, who illustrate a typical patriarchal mindset. Sanya nailed as Richa, as her character's silent compliance with her husband and in-laws demands speaks volumes about her rep...

My Piece for the day

Search This Blog