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I genuinely thought this could work....

When it is time to get your shit together and run. 

Photo: Peakpx

I finally decided to go to therapy, when I literally felt like I had nowhere to go. I have always felt this sense of void that no one gets me. But what to do when you get that feeling from your therapist. There are actually very few people who can tell me what I don't wanna hear and I will listen. For instance, my counsellor can simply tell me what I need to hear without offending me but I end up leaving my therapy sessions hot and dry, craving a drink and anti-depressants. 

You know all my life, I literally wanted one person who gets me and understand me and I genuinely am too tired of getting it wrong every single time that I am genuinely exhausted. I really wish somebody would just see the pain and exhaustion in my eyes, probably sit by my side and just listen. Someone who values me beyond my right and wrong. 
I am honestly tired of people telling me to change myself, even if it is because they hate to see me get hurt. Because trust me I would have actually changed myself if I could. I only went to therapy because I wanted to learn tools to manage this, to be able to retain my soul and still find a way to be happy. At least this was supposed to be a safe space where I could express how I feel. 

With so many people, I literally gave everything I have and yet it could not suffice. So, honestly I am done. I genuinely cannot wait to get away with my life and die and get lost in oblivion, though I am pretty sure and have enough faith in God that I would be crying when I die too because I would probably wanna live a little more when the day finally comes. I just hope I can find enough strength in my heart to never hurt mom and bhai and they never discover that this is actually how I feel. 

This was finally one thing I was doing for myself, a ray of hope but even this turned out to be a fucking Mirage. Bhagwan please give me strength to live and survive and learn to be by myself. Because I honestly can't anymore. 

V 

PS - Maybe it still can work. It is probably the most important battle I had to fight for my sake. 🙈🙈

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