Between God and Girl I want To Be

"Let them have the temples

Just keep your faith

Even if it is all a lie

I like to believe

There is someone above us all

Just makes world a little less scary"

Even if it is a subject I return to every few months, making peace with traditons that erode my esteem, my sense of being has been an underlying struggle. I have also realised that I can't let go of my faith. It takes a part of me too.

When you feel helpless amid people who yield power or have enough money to exercise authority, you need something to know goodness too has its place in the larger scheme.

Although I am extremely grateful, this year has brought in a truckload of questions. But I want to believe if there indeed is a God, he actually holds Kanha's calming smile. Somedays I need Arjun's friend, on others, the vastness of Shiva's Kailash...there are not many days I relate to Ram's responsibilities, maybe it is something I simply don't get.

If there indeed is a God, I like to believe he isn't scared of my blood that he himself has made. Someone who saved Draupadi, loved Radha and Parvati, why should he treat me like a second-class pilgrim, just because I don't have a Y chromosome.

While I don't intend to rebel anytime soon, I just hope God will guide me and find a middle path.

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