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Journal entry 19.11.2025

I know all my problems are first-world. But, I am certain, I deserve days that are my own. There is nothing in the world that makes you miss your mom like that first year of marriage...as you are infactuated with love, you are equally prone to losing your sense of self. 

Even if it becomes the root cause of all my misery, writing, expression and love is what I bring to the table. Yet, you have no idea how much I have missed taking out this one day for this little child in me.

A nice living room looks nice, but that is all it is to me. How do you explain the freedom of getting to watch a movie without worrying about your next day, waking up through the night to finish your first anime, writing a blog after what feels like ages, finally getting to complete a poem, that actually rhymes and makes you proud. Those are the little things I live for. I am completely sure, I can't love until I feel completely at ease and am in absolute love with myself. I can't pray until I find my voice. Forget the world, even when it comes to God, I like the one that feels at least a little forward and egalitarian. 

Sometimes, people like me celebrate everyone around us so much that we end up losing ourselves in the crowd. 


You can be the luckiest person that day, yet may feel nothing like it. In a country that doesn't get mental health, how do you explain an almost phone addiction that actually stems out of despair. Just sitting with your thoughts for 10 minutes is the hardest bit of your day. 

My work is not just my privilege but part of my purpose. When I was stuck in a depressive spiral, those 8 hours in a newsroom kept me going. That's when I knew this is what I wished to do. Even when it takes my mind and body on a toll, I still know there is a part of me that still loves the grind. 

Being happy and being seen are not really the same. I understand my comparative priveleges, so don't intend to complaint but every now and then, some of just wish to say...

It has literally been 2-3 months, finally I had a day where I didn't need to worry about going to work or pack my bags for another to-do list. Although I missed mum's birthday, I think there is nothing that a good nap and carefree rest can't fix. 

I am not your girl next door...I am the one who would rather overtime at work, write a poem, watch a film or call a friend before she picks a broom, order a meal than cook a new cuisine. It is alright to be average at a few things, it is just important to remember what you bring to the table. 

Even when our work feels repetitive or boring, sometimes all you need is a rant, a safe space to shed out your tears, a time-out, a break...for you alone know your heart and remain your first line of duty. 

I hope we all can get to celebrate ourselves and find the strength and courage to live our days our way, at least every once in a while if not everyday. I am not recommending sabbaticals, but there is only as far you can carry burn-outs before your heart pleads...

Hope this finds you well and feel free to ignore the rants, just my current medication that I can't do without....loads of love and hugs to anyone who finds the patience to read my blogs....

May we all find our faith, strength and self-esteem and learn to love us with everything we have. I think I am always gonna be an 18-year-old chasing smiles that make my eyes shine...❤️❤️❤️💜💜💜🧿🧿

PS - This one is also for everyone who has seen through my long-distance struggles and made me feel seen and taken care of as my own heartbeat remains kms away for now.



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