My Piece for the day

(An excerpt from Any Ordinary Day by Leigh Sales) It is amazing how you can go about a complete year not being able to explain your struggles and then some random work comes your way and gives you the right words. In the past one year, nothing has been more crushing than the invalidation of my own lived experience. While everyone saw a new bride, there were days all I saw was a young girl betrayed by her own at the altar...my pain for the loss of friendships doesn't take away my love for my husband yet it was an almost silent expectation to simply show up with a smile. You are not supposed to be sad in front of others or on happy occasions. But the truth remains that I didn't even know the name of the woman whose death costed me my dream wedding.  This is not a sob story, it was long due that the empath in me took a back seat or I would have wasted more of my years showing up for people when they broke up, lost their parents or best friends even when they didn'...

On days I only had enough strength to eat a bite, I have often managed to put food on the table. I know I have a good life and I am thankful but as I bid bye to the most enriching yet one of the most testing year of my life, I think I have also grown tired of people telling me to change who I am.  In 2024, I had an expectation problem. In 2025, I needed thicker skin & apparently resilience. In case, anyone feels offended be my guest, but just don't bother me with your crap.  Everyone has their flaws and honestly I am okayish with my tears, for they are also my superpower. Because even when I hate it I am usually one of the empaths in a room, and I think yesterday reminded that isn't so bad.  You know what, I was 13 since I learnt I cry too easy, probably at the drop of a hat. And in all these fucking years, I have never seen someone tell a bully to be sensitive but only seen the so called well wishers telling sensitive people to be thick skinned.   Gu...

"Let them have the temples Just keep your faith Even if it is all a lie I like to believe  There is someone above us all Just makes world a little less scary" Even if it is a subject I return to every few months, making peace with traditons that erode my esteem, my sense of being has been an underlying struggle. I have also realised that I can't let go of my faith. It takes a part of me too. When you feel helpless amid people who yield power or have enough money to exercise authority, you need something to know goodness too has its place in the larger scheme.  Although I am extremely grateful, this year has brought in a truckload of questions. But I want to believe if there indeed is a God, he actually holds Kanha's calming smile. Somedays I need Arjun's friend, on others, the vastness of Shiva's Kailash...there are not many days I relate to Ram's responsibilities, maybe it is something I simply don't get.  If there indeed is a God, I like ...

I know all my problems are first-world. But, I am certain, I deserve days that are my own. There is nothing in the world that makes you miss your mom like that first year of marriage...as you are infactuated with love, you are equally prone to losing your sense of self.  Even if it becomes the root cause of all my misery, writing, expression and love is what I bring to the table. Yet, you have no idea how much I have missed taking out this one day for this little child in me. A nice living room looks nice, but that is all it is to me. How do you explain the freedom of getting to watch a movie without worrying about your next day, waking up through the night to finish your first anime, writing a blog after what feels like ages, finally getting to complete a poem, that actually rhymes and makes you proud. Those are the little things I live for. I am completely sure, I can't love until I feel completely at ease and am in absolute love with myself. I can't pray until I find my voic...

Have you ever felt like you want the freedom to feel pain? I wish to go on a vacation not to catch a sunset but to sit aloof without worrying about getting ready for work, with no one to judge my tears, no one to show up for. I want the luxury to sit in silence and cry on a shoulder until my eyes run out of pain. I want to take a break without the fear that the world may pass over. Have you ever run out of love? I sometimes feel the lack of love to the point I genuinely don't want someone to care, for it becomes another obligation, another reason I should be grateful. I don't know how to not show up even though my own heart needs repair. Maybe it is my own fault as I hate conflict and sometimes it can be a task to not be a people pleaser.  Sometimes you simply don't have it in you to be happy for them because there is a part of you that still grieves all that you never got. Sometimes people who love us do everything in their power yet you can't help your feelings. You k...

Akhil you know I can't go a long time without writing you love letter but am too lazy to visit a post office..so this one is for you... Everytime I am told I am stupid for choosing my passion, I just wanna look at you, remind myself and know we got this and will always find a way... Every time I feel alone or down, seek validation or feel the need to prove myself or my worth...I may take my time but ultimately every ride has taught me how I have my biggest champion at home. Chahe uss din wo kitchen mein bitaye 12 ghante hon ya hours spent on the most basic blog...even if noone else could see, you were the one cheering me on. Even if you were the one taking care of it all, you always ensured I knew we were a team.  At a time, when I almost felt invisible, u were the one who reminded me I mattered. Listened to my rants and then scolded me when u could not see me stay sad anymore. Even if a part of me was torn, you made sure I finally had fun at a wedding.  When I fel...