My Piece for the day

I know all my problems are first-world. But, I am certain, I deserve days that are my own. There is nothing in the world that makes you miss your mom like that first year of marriage...as you are infactuated with love, you are equally prone to losing your sense of self.  Even if it becomes the root cause of all my misery, writing, expression and love is what I bring to the table. Yet, you have no idea how much I have missed taking out this one day for this little child in me. A nice living room looks nice, but that is all it is to me. How do you explain the freedom of getting to watch a movie without worrying about your next day, waking up through the night to finish your first anime, writing a blog after what feels like ages, finally getting to complete a poem, that actually rhymes and makes you proud. Those are the little things I live for. I am completely sure, I can't love until I feel completely at ease and am in absolute love with myself. I can't pray until I find my voic...

Have you ever felt like you want the freedom to feel pain? I wish to go on a vacation not to catch a sunset but to sit aloof without worrying about getting ready for work, with no one to judge my tears, no one to show up for. I want the luxury to sit in silence and cry on a shoulder until my eyes run out of pain. I want to take a break without the fear that the world may pass over. Have you ever run out of love? I sometimes feel the lack of love to the point I genuinely don't want someone to care, for it becomes another obligation, another reason I should be grateful. I don't know how to not show up even though my own heart needs repair. Maybe it is my own fault as I hate conflict and sometimes it can be a task to not be a people pleaser.  Sometimes you simply don't have it in you to be happy for them because there is a part of you that still grieves all that you never got. Sometimes people who love us do everything in their power yet you can't help your feelings. You k...

Akhil you know I can't go a long time without writing you love letter but am too lazy to visit a post office..so this one is for you... Everytime I am told I am stupid for choosing my passion, I just wanna look at you, remind myself and know we got this and will always find a way... Every time I feel alone or down, seek validation or feel the need to prove myself or my worth...I may take my time but ultimately every ride has taught me how I have my biggest champion at home. Chahe uss din wo kitchen mein bitaye 12 ghante hon ya hours spent on the most basic blog...even if noone else could see, you were the one cheering me on. Even if you were the one taking care of it all, you always ensured I knew we were a team.  At a time, when I almost felt invisible, u were the one who reminded me I mattered. Listened to my rants and then scolded me when u could not see me stay sad anymore. Even if a part of me was torn, you made sure I finally had fun at a wedding.  When I fel...

It is so much easier for the world to see what a man contributes but a woman's struggles often remain her silent bouts.  The standards are literally so low for a man, not being abusive makes them amazing. For women, standards are so high that even standing up for themselves becomes a problem. What a woman does is probably only visible to her partner and mother. Because it is the only place we can safely cry and share our perspective.  Recently we went for a dinner where I was told, in a lighter note, how lucky I was to have my husband. I would never say otherwise. I always thank God for him and noone is more aware of what he brings to the table. But, despite being his biggest champion, it suddenly dawned on me how in the seven months of my marriage I have literally seen everyone say the same thing yet I have never heard anyone say he is probably lucky to have me too.  While he remains my biggest champion and sees through every single night of my struggle, tear and strengt...

Sometimes we make things so much bigger in our hearts that it becomes impossible for the events to match our anticipation and even the slightest misdirections to our plans end up grounding them altogether. Exactly an year ago, on October 17, my father-in-law called me and told us that our wedding dates had been fixed. It had been a long-distance courtship but as the luck would have it, we were right there together to celebrate the good news. The next four months were probably the happiest period of my life. Even as I felt lonely without him, I would simply count down our days to the wedding. Soon enough, my joy and excitement became too visible. I don't think I have ever taken care of myself any better. I couldn't wait to get married.  I don't think there was a day I didn't think of him before I ended my day. I simply couldn't wait to be his wife. To his credit, it has all been worth it. Even as we are yet to find our way to a shared roof, Akhil you ...

16.10.2025 How do you regain self-love and rebuild your self-worth from the point you feel abandoned. How can you have everything in the world and still get stuck with that one little missing piece.  Honestly, I don't know. I am writing this blog in the hope that it would mark the start of my journey to the discovery of that solution. I can't refind the love I held for the friends I lost, nor do I think I can find it in me to let it go right now. I know I am probably no one to forgive but I still can't get how can you be so genuine one second and indifferent in another.   I have no idea how to let things go but I also know life always finds a way to heal every inch of your soul. There are so many moments when you feel this heartbreak would be the end of you, yet a few years down, you don't even care to remember their names, none of it even matters anymore.  But, Feb of this year hit different. I know it is stupid but these were the friends I thought I wil...