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अलफाजों की बातें

आज पहली बार लगा जैसे शायद किस्सों को हर दम सांझा करना भी सही नहीं। आपकी कहानियां आपकी ही परछाई होती हैं, हम दिन भर कहते रहते हैं पर उन अल्फाजों में जो नहीं कह पाते इन पन्नों में पिरोते हैं। आज ऑफिस का काम छोड़ कर वो छोटा सा ड्राफ्ट लिखा था। जो इतने दिनों से मरहम ना मिला मानो उस एक पन्ने ने दिया हो। सब एकदम सही तो नहीं था पर काफी बेहतर सा था।  सोचा था अपने पास ही रहने दूंगी, फिर अचानक से दोस्त का कॉल आया पर मन बेचैन सा था तो उसे कुछ बात हो ही न पाई। काम का बहाना लगा कर मैंने भी फोन रख दिया। पर फिर लगा फोन सही वक्त पर आया है, और कुछ नहीं तो वो आज का लिखा पन्ना ही भेज दूं। वो समझ भी जाएगा और कुछ हद तक जानना शायद उसका हक भी था। तो याद आया कोई और भी है, जिसे वो जानना चाहिए। ईमेल लिखते लिखते लगा, दो और भी दोस्त हैं जिन्हें भेजना चाहिए तो फिर साथ एक और किस्सा भी भेज दिया।  कुछ पल बाद जवाब कि बेचैनी सी होने लगी; पहले बुरा लगा फिर लगा जब इन दिनों मैं खुद, खुद में ही मशरूफ हूं तो उनसे कैसे शिकायत करूं। कुछ पल बाद एहसास हुआ न जाने क्या सोचेंगे, न जाने बेवजह भेजा ही क्यूं...पर फिर इस स

Trying To Hold it Together

माना हर एक Choice मेरा अपना था, पर कभी कभी आज जैसे दिनों पर लगता है पता नहीं होगा भी या नहीं। Usually, लोग first semester main confused aur last semester में sure होते हैं। But, life के ज्यादातर decisions की तरह इस area में भी उल्टी निकली। First में Convinced and last में Super-confused.  पिछला एक साल किसी तरह निकल गया था but last कुछ एक महीने (the post Covid, lockdown वाले); honestly पता नहीं...Almost like best भी थे और worst and toughest भी। क्या करना है? पता नहीं! शायद अब कुछ समझ आने लगा था, खूब मेहनत करी पर सब postponed। अब लगता है जैसे थक सी गई हूं। बस rest करना चाहती हूं and अभी बस वही नहीं कर सकती। अगर किसी दिन distract हो कर extra videos और movies देख लूं, तो ऑफिस का सारा काम रह जाता है and consequently पढ़ाई और तैयारी तो भूल ही जाओ। कभी कभी लगता है I just wanna breathe and relax फिर डर भी लगता है कि सब करने के बाद मैं last moment कहीं फिर से सब गड़बड़ ना कर दूं। सच कहूं तो मुझे ये नहीं पता finally चीजें थोड़ी सी ट्रैक पर कब वापिस आएंगी पर बस अब ये पता है मैं अपनी त

Lessons I still can't unlearn

कभी सर्वधर्म स्कूल में मेरी Moral Science का हिस्सा था Secularism मेरे देश का गौरवान्वित किस्सा था पर मानो आज 1947 जैसे फिर हिन्दू मुस्लिम में बंट गए कुछ bhakt, तो कुछ Anti-national के tag में लगे हुए अचानक दोस्त के जनाजे में शामिल हिन्दू आज खल रहा एक नमाज़ी क्यूं हिन्दू शादी में आता अखर रहा

Is it really equal to be a man/woman in today's world?

Disclaimer - Not my usual drafts on random things. You may find the write-up a little disturbing due to the language, read at your own risk.  You call "Feminists" unnecessary, men are struggling too no doubt, but on the overview, "Is it really so same to be a man or to be a a woman  in this world?" But, before we can get into the nitigrities,  I feel it was imperative to state that this article by no means intends to portray women are always right, men don't face sexual abuse or all men are the same or any such generalisations. But, a subtle diffqerence in our experience that I simply couldn't ignore.  I was recommended recently to watch "Paatal Lok" on Prime as it apparently quite aptly portrays on how being in the media really feels like and how the industry often functions.  But, as I was only a couple of episodes down, a part particularly struck me making me pause to pick up the keyboard. Part of the plot that inspired t

13 Lessons I Learnt In The Past Year

I recently listened to Jay Shetty's birthday special podcast from last year. The Podcast definitely had some beautiful tips and insights but more importantly he urged the audience to reflect on their own lessons too. Though, I am already almost a couple months late for the B'day introspection, I felt that the idea was still worth it.  { Disclaimer: None of the following are purely my ideas but simply the advices and lessons I read, heard, and learnt in the past year)  So, here are my 13 lessons from the past year -  1.  Celebrate yourself . Sometimes, you really need to be your own cheerleader and morale booster. No one else is responsible for your happiness but you yourself are. Finally, after four years had a genuinely happy and warm birthday on my 21st. Had been creating greeting cards for my friends this year, just felt like creating something for myself and mom too.     My Birthday card to self on my 21st birthday 2. Not everyone will understand your journey, b

Sneak Peek Into My Podcast Routine

Podcasts have been one of the latest addition to my attempts at creating a healthier and happier lifestyle. During one of our lunch time conversations, Sachin Sir (one of my office colleagues and Seniors) had suggested us to listen to Podcasts in our free times. I remember him telling us that listening to audios rather than music can help improve concentration.  It had seemed like a good idea to at least experiment with. But, soon it become a part of my daily routines. While I had begin with following quite a bunch, I finally settled for 3 Things and On Purpose. While first one helps me to stay updated, the other keeps me motivated.  3 Things by the Indian Express Despite my many journalistic ambitions, I have often struggled with getting fond of all the latest news.  I have often found myself on the verge of dozing off trying to read news during my numerous attempts in my university and post graduation years.  Not that I am proud of it, but I have finally given up on the n

Ramblings Of A Mad Woman

If you find yourself on this page by any chance, please bear with me for today. Though as I search the meaning of "ramblings" just to be sure, I realised, its exactly what this post is most likely to be. "L engthy, confused and inconsequential." I guess sometimes you just want to be heard but don't know how to really reach out. You want to have a conversation but don't know how to ask for it. At times, you even try and reach out, you often end up feeling a little letdown. (Even though you also know that the other person is hardly at fault) Especially, amidst the Covid-19 lockdowns, no matter how much you try to stay sane, there are days you still lose your shit. It is easier to post, "It's ok not to be ok" but when your own 'not so ok' days arrive, you still feel the same which is ok too.  While blogs can often feel like a lot of work, I often take to my usually private WhatsApp Statuses to express how I feel. It's off-course easier