My Piece for the day

                              Shoolini University Campus You have been one of the biggest roller coaster rides, this currently 21 years old ever took on (at least so far). Even on days, I am consumed by all the negative memories, you remain the confounding reason I met my two Best Friends.   You were the reason, I went on my first international trip as an Exchange Student to Gachon University in South Korea. Even if you eventually ended up adding a year of constant uncertainty and consequently a lot of frustration to this over-thinker, as its intangible cost; it remains one of the most enriching experiences of my life as a young adult. To be fair, I have often blamed you for more than was your fault, but being a leading “guinea pig” in your journalism experiment wasn’t really my favorite experience either. Yet on days, I may not remember to give you your fair share of credit, much of wh...

"First-time mistake is a lesson, second time it is stupidity." - Unknown Sometimes, paying a counselor takes less courage than opening up to a friend. On days like yesterday, I wish acting on that statement was as simpler for a youngster without fearing for taboos, and there was a way that included no intermediate questions on what's wrong. Especially as you fail to decipher exactly how you feel, it is impossible to put forward a neutral tale without having to fear what they shall think. On days like today, I am simply grateful, nobody happens to visit this blog. Even if it is a false sense of both sharing and privacy, it offers an easier and yet inexpensive place to pour my heart out and survive that moment. I don't understand why I risk my faith and trust again with people when I already know how things eventually turn out but sometimes it's impossible to escape temptations when they are fuelled with forever old longings even if the latter come trapped in your l...

After a long time, I simply couldn't help myself from pulling an all-nighter to binge-watch Aarya on Hotstar last night. If you too are planning to start, it is simply not the kind of story you can do an episode a day with.                   Source: Disney+ Hotstar After Main Hoon Na, it's my personal second of the Former Miss Universe. I had seen much praises for the series from many of her fans. But, I had assumed that maybe it's also because of the immense and insane love people have for Sushmita Sen.  But, after watching the series myself, I know it was all well earned. I am no expert on reviews, but this one is definitely a gem. The series simply could not have been more Perfect.  From the storyline to flow,  from amazing characters to actors' realistic act and top it up with the right sprinkle of emotions and unexpected twists till the very end.              ...

While it is supposed to be depressing, I believe death has been the most inspirational tale to this once 17 year old.  I was 5 when life decided to show, what loss felt like. Yet in my childish beliefs and imaginations, I refused to believe I never will see my hero. To be honest, looking back I hold no real memories. I don't know if it was that psychological phenomenon in action where people learn to block and forget part of their memories subconsciously or it was simply me being ever so forgetful. It took me 8 years of failed prayers and that sight of mom's tears followed by her lines of wisdom. Slowly but steadily, I began my first tale of moving on. I had to teach myself not to respect her a bit more but to see beyond her scoldings and love her for being my mother.  Years passed by, me and Mom went on to become friends but I stayed somewhat incapable and a little less competent when it came to my emotions. It would take me some more failed friendships and a coup...

28/09/2020 आज दादू गुज़र गए, नहीं Dad के Dad नहीं but दादी के one of the siblings. However, most of us have always been much like a big extended family including all her siblings and their families. Although मैं और दादू super close तो नहीं थे, पर वो मेरे परिवार और लाइफ के उन बड़ों में से थे जिन के लिए मेरे दिल में खूब सारी इज्ज़त थी, I mean अब भी है और हमेशा रहेगी। So, अचानक कुछ धक्का सा लगा because सब सही था and we hadn't seen it coming.  "He was a really lively man, one who knew how to stand up for his family and extend his warmth to all of us in his extended family as well. During our hostel days, as we found ourselves at their place sometimes, we would eagerly jump on to get ice creams from his shop upstairs as the first things. I don't remember any dull moments with him when I had seen him upset but I guess it is a gift that I can always remember him for the happiness he spread." I had subconsciously expected that we still had a couple more years to s...

I guess even when I was confused, I knew this wasn't exactly what I wanted to do. So, though there is a lot I learnt, I have never really seen it as an year that will define my career and I was constantly on the lookout for a chance that would. There were days, I simply could not see that light outside my tunnel. But, I do think more than anything, it has been a year of personal growth.  Understanding myself better, learning through experience and observations and at times just trying to survive the day. I have hit like real lows, been an asshole, a terrible employee and an even worse friend. But, if I were to calm down, there is also so much that I have learnt and rediscovered the more driven me. I guess it is a little embarrassing to admit but I think my first year as an employee into a job funnily also taught me why people get married in the first place. As a teenager, your perspective on relationships is really different. Mine had long been dictated by those around ...

आज पहली बार लगा जैसे शायद किस्सों को हर दम सांझा करना भी सही नहीं। आपकी कहानियां आपकी ही परछाई होती हैं, हम दिन भर कहते रहते हैं पर उन अल्फाजों में जो नहीं कह पाते इन पन्नों में पिरोते हैं। आज ऑफिस का काम छोड़ कर वो छोटा सा ड्राफ्ट लिखा था। जो इतने दिनों से मरहम ना मिला मानो उस एक पन्ने ने दिया हो। सब एकदम सही तो नहीं था पर काफी बेहतर सा था।  सोचा था अपने पास ही रहने दूंगी, फिर अचानक से दोस्त का कॉल आया पर मन बेचैन सा था तो उसे कुछ बात हो ही न पाई। काम का बहाना लगा कर मैंने भी फोन रख दिया। पर फिर लगा फोन सही वक्त पर आया है, और कुछ नहीं तो वो आज का लिखा पन्ना ही भेज दूं। वो समझ भी जाएगा और कुछ हद तक जानना शायद उसका हक भी था। तो याद आया कोई और भी है, जिसे वो जानना चाहिए। ईमेल लिखते लिखते लगा, दो और भी दोस्त हैं जिन्हें भेजना चाहिए तो फिर साथ एक और किस्सा भी भेज दिया।  कुछ पल बाद जवाब कि बेचैनी सी होने लगी; पहले बुरा लगा फिर लगा जब इन दिनों मैं खुद, खुद में ही मशरूफ हूं तो उनसे कैसे शिकायत करूं। कुछ पल बाद एहसास हुआ न जाने क्या सोचेंगे, न जाने बेवजह भेजा ही क्यूं...पर...

माना हर एक Choice मेरा अपना था, पर कभी कभी आज जैसे दिनों पर लगता है पता नहीं होगा भी या नहीं। Usually, लोग first semester main confused aur last semester में sure होते हैं। But, life के ज्यादातर decisions की तरह इस area में भी उल्टी निकली। First में Convinced and last में Super-confused.  पिछला एक साल किसी तरह निकल गया था but last कुछ एक महीने (the post Covid, lockdown वाले); honestly पता नहीं...Almost like best भी थे और worst and toughest भी। क्या करना है? पता नहीं! शायद अब कुछ समझ आने लगा था, खूब मेहनत करी पर सब postponed। अब लगता है जैसे थक सी गई हूं। बस rest करना चाहती हूं and अभी बस वही नहीं कर सकती। अगर किसी दिन distract हो कर extra videos और movies देख लूं, तो ऑफिस का सारा काम रह जाता है and consequently पढ़ाई और तैयारी तो भूल ही जाओ। कभी कभी लगता है I just wanna breathe and relax फिर डर भी लगता है कि सब करने के बाद मैं last moment कहीं फिर से सब गड़बड़ ना कर दूं। सच कहूं तो मुझे ये नहीं पता finally चीजें थोड़ी सी ट्रैक पर कब वापिस आएंगी पर बस अब ये पता है मैं अप...

कभी सर्वधर्म स्कूल में मेरी Moral Science का हिस्सा था Secularism मेरे देश का गौरवान्वित किस्सा था पर मानो आज 1947 जैसे फिर हिन्दू मुस्लिम में बंट गए कुछ bhakt, तो कुछ Anti-national के tag में लगे हुए अचानक दोस्त के जनाजे में शामिल हिन्दू आज खल रहा एक नमाज़ी क्यूं हिन्दू शादी में आता अखर रहा

Disclaimer - Not my usual drafts on random things. You may find the write-up a little disturbing due to the language, read at your own risk.  You call "Feminists" unnecessary, men are struggling too no doubt, but on the overview, "Is it really so same to be a man or to be a a woman  in this world?" But, before we can get into the nitigrities,  I feel it was imperative to state that this article by no means intends to portray women are always right, men don't face sexual abuse or all men are the same or any such generalisations. But, a subtle diffqerence in our experience that I simply couldn't ignore.  I was recommended recently to watch "Paatal Lok" on Prime as it apparently quite aptly portrays on how being in the media really feels like and how the industry often functions.  But, as I was only a couple of episodes down, a part particularly struck me making me pause to pick up the keyboard. Part of the plot that inspired t...

I recently listened to Jay Shetty's birthday special podcast from last year. The Podcast definitely had some beautiful tips and insights but more importantly he urged the audience to reflect on their own lessons too. Though, I am already almost a couple months late for the B'day introspection, I felt that the idea was still worth it.  { Disclaimer: None of the following are purely my ideas but simply the advices and lessons I read, heard, and learnt in the past year)  So, here are my 13 lessons from the past year -  1.  Celebrate yourself . Sometimes, you really need to be your own cheerleader and morale booster. No one else is responsible for your happiness but you yourself are. Finally, after four years had a genuinely happy and warm birthday on my 21st. Had been creating greeting cards for my friends this year, just felt like creating something for myself and mom too.     My Birthday card to self on my 21st birthday 2. Not everyone will under...

Podcasts have been one of the latest addition to my attempts at creating a healthier and happier lifestyle. During one of our lunch time conversations, Sachin Sir (one of my office colleagues and Seniors) had suggested us to listen to Podcasts in our free times. I remember him telling us that listening to audios rather than music can help improve concentration.  It had seemed like a good idea to at least experiment with. But, soon it become a part of my daily routines. While I had begin with following quite a bunch, I finally settled for 3 Things and On Purpose. While first one helps me to stay updated, the other keeps me motivated.  3 Things by the Indian Express Despite my many journalistic ambitions, I have often struggled with getting fond of all the latest news.  I have often found myself on the verge of dozing off trying to read news during my numerous attempts in my university and post graduation years.  Not that I am proud of it, but I have finall...

If you find yourself on this page by any chance, please bear with me for today. Though as I search the meaning of "ramblings" just to be sure, I realised, its exactly what this post is most likely to be. "L engthy, confused and inconsequential." I guess sometimes you just want to be heard but don't know how to really reach out. You want to have a conversation but don't know how to ask for it. At times, you even try and reach out, you often end up feeling a little letdown. (Even though you also know that the other person is hardly at fault) Especially, amidst the Covid-19 lockdowns, no matter how much you try to stay sane, there are days you still lose your shit. It is easier to post, "It's ok not to be ok" but when your own 'not so ok' days arrive, you still feel the same which is ok too.  While blogs can often feel like a lot of work, I often take to my usually private WhatsApp Statuses to express how I feel. It's off-course easier...

A news that indeed came as a shock to many. "Sushant Singh Rajput - a young and talented Indian actor with bright possibilities committed suicide." While we all pray, "May his soul rest in peace", his death also throws light on an important phenomenon that should concern us all. In already stressful times of pandemic, millions across industries are losing jobs, young children have been left out of their joyful school routines while many others find themselves facing risk of domestic violence and abuse within the confines of their own homes.  Even for those of us, who seem to be on the better side, things can quickly get overwhelming. While most of my responsibilities are still the same but the new quarantine environment can sometimes still take a toll.  However, I know it's a lot more difficult for most others. As I talk to most of my friends, one thing that commonly comes across is the increasing work loads. As lines between work and home are gettin...

Books have been my saviour, my escape route and also my inspiration. I don't know how my life and universe conspires to do that for me but everytime I am looking for an answer I find it in them. I have so often wondered in amazement, how I end up picking the right books at exactly the right time.  I am not so much of a natural reader. So, often I just continue to read books, a few pages a day to keep going in an attempt to keep growing. However, in the rare occasions I find myself immersed in a book brings a joy I cannot really explain but really appreciate. I am not much of an explorer with little courage for adventures but a lot more fears. But, as I ventured into books, I found the comfort and joy of exploring worlds and experiences I could not venture out for in my real life.  There are moments I am enjoying myself in the world of characters and yet another ones when tears emerge at silliest occasions. While then stopping in between to take a moment to reflect ...

I was strolling on my terrace listening to yhe Three Things Podcast by the Indian Express as I was distracted by a sudden loud noise. There were also a few street dogs resting in peace on the same. Seeing their bodies jolt in shock with a sudden noise similar to those of fire-crackers with my own eyes made me realise why animal lovers around the country try to dissuade people from burning fire-crackers.  I remember my friend who owns a pet often noting, how sudden eruption of loud noises, for instance, the Diwali firecrackers can adversely impact our cannine and feline friends.  I had tried to relate to her concerns but seeing his body suddenly jolt with the noise with my own eyes made me feel bad for him as he continued to be in slight shock for the next ten seconds and more. It shook me and showed me reasoning behind her concerns and many more like her.  As we campaign against pollution and yet ignore Noise Pollution, we often overlook the fact that it isn't...

As I wandered away to once again stress about my career and job, a thought reminded me of the plight of poor and migrant workers suffering over the last months. While my own problem at hand felt important enough to me, I couldn't help but notice how even our problems in a crisis are also a reflection of our fortune and priveleges.  Rich are missing their gyms and spas but can still afford to spend these extra days with their children and grandchildren. While some in the middle row are losing their jobs, others are being overstretched and bearing tremendous pay cuts. While a section of our society continues to suffer hunger and despair. Poor being blamed once again for being poor.  I had been grateful I still had a job as I heard HT had laid off 150 members of its staff. Yet today on the very next day, I found myself complaining of being stuck in a job I didn't like as much. Even now, while mom couldn't take a single day off from her chemist shop, I am here cribb...

There are tales that only matter to me full of those minimal and insignificant anecdotes. But, for some weird reason I had wanting to jot them down in my own little ways as a testimony to that moment, that day and the emotion I felt.  It’s a weird trait. But, for those of them that matter, I end up reserving my thoughts in the ‘Notes’ of my office laptop so that I don’t forget and share it on their birthdays as messages and posts. For some reason, as much as I would be delighted to have someday achieved all those milestones and dreams I imagine, I am a woman of little things. It includes creating those white sheet cards like an eight year old even in the beginning of my 20s. This year, these funny-looking birthday cards became my thing. It all began with that monochrome attempt at a minion trio that seemed to bring about the true vibe of our little girl gang. I couldn’t realise it then but that day it had my hard work but not my heart. It was not an attempt to make her...

The entire #boyslockerroom incident leaves you agitated yet numb and lost for words. Nope this isn't cool. Objectifying women and overstepping a women's modesty isn't ok. There are numerous occassions when we are stared at, made remarks on but try to ignore intendending, "Not to create a scene." But, today I realised the extent how all those so called "cool talks" and "little things" in laying foundations to a larger mindset where men feel entitled to a woman's body. I couldn't help but remember a recent incident where I had failed to take a stand for a fellow woman in one of our WhatsApp group chats. Though the insident was a lot more smaller in magnitude where things were eventually explained and understood, today reminded me of several other occassions where I had personally seen a woman's modesty and safety being taken for granted, objectification of female body considered to be ok, objections to such comments hushed or ha...